Why children should be told

Talking to children about your illness can be very difficult and may feel upsetting for both you and the child.

However, involving children and helping them understand what is happening can support them and may help everyone cope better with the illness.

Children are affected too

A serious illness affects the feelings and emotions of the whole family. Children have a right to know about things that affect the family.

Children can often sense when something is wrong. They are sensitive to tension and stress, and if nothing is said, they may imagine that something even worse is happening.

Why openness can help

  • Not talking about the illness may make it seem too frightening to discuss.
  • Children may find out from someone else, or get misleading or frightening information from TV, the internet or other sources.
  • Children can feel isolated if they are not included in something that affects the whole family.
  • Being open can help children feel trusted, supported and less alone.
  • It can also help you feel less secretive or isolated within your own family.

Children may misunderstand what is happening

Children are good at noticing changes, but they may misunderstand what those changes mean.

For example, a child may think:

  • “Grandad died in hospital. Now Dad has to go into hospital. He is going to die too.”
  • “I was cross with Mummy, then she became ill. Maybe I made her ill.”

Explaining things clearly can help reduce fear, confusion and guilt.

Children can cope with the truth

Adults often underestimate children’s ability to cope with the truth.

Not knowing what is happening can make children feel anxious. Even very sad truths may be better than the uncertainty of not knowing.

We cannot stop children feeling sad, but by sharing our feelings and giving them honest information, we can support them through that sadness.

Helping children learn and cope

Dealing with a serious illness in the family can help children learn about the body, illness, treatment and healing.

It can also help them understand how strong people can be during difficult times and how to cope with difficult feelings.